I sometimes struggle with feeling like I hold no true value to anyone. Actually, the truth is I feel like that much more often than I really want to admit. I have a list of reasons why I believe I feel unremarkable and unworthy and all of them have to with other people who have spoken some word to me that planted a dark seed. All of the comments over the course of mostly childhood, but sometimes my adulthood, have come from people who don’t know me well and don’t make much effort to know me.
I can tell myself all day long that it’s their issue, not mine. And, at the end of the day that doesn’t help me much, even though it is the truth. I can try not to “own” their emotions in their words and not take on more of their darkness. I’ve spent hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars learning really solid skills to help me, and they do, but I actually want healing.
Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse lots of people quote. This morning it has new meaning for me. God can only know the plans He has for me if He actually knows me! God is not about cookie cutters, just look around the next time you’re at the mall. He is clearly all about individuality and character and physical traits that make us different from each other. So wouldn’t it stand to reason that a God who created such rich diversity in our outward appearances would also create rich diversity inward in His plans for us? And further, wouldn’t He need to actually know us personally to know what plans make sense for us? Of course!!
I need to feel known. My story holds so much power to me and for me that I share it whenever possible. I do that for a couple primary reasons: for you to know me and for you to know who God is to me. If I feel known, I inherently feel heard and seen. This may not be true for you. You may value being seen or heard most. In the end, we all have a gap in our hearts and souls that I believe only God can fill. He is the one who hears our dreams and cries, prayers and pains that we don’t dare share with anyone else. He is the one who sees us balled up in bed crying or standing in the sun smiling. He is the one who is always with us, always paying attention and always seeking us out. He is the one who truly knows me and I need to find my ultimate value and worth in that truth. God has been in the dark places with me and, He has never left me alone. He and I have secrets I will likely never tell another soul and I trust Him implicitly because He knows me and I know Him.
You hold so much value. If you don’t feel like it, will you please let me know so that I can pray for you and ask God to show you your value. You don’t have to give me any details, just simply post “pray” in the comments and I’ll pray. Your emptiness does get smaller as God fills it up with His love, grace, peace and mercy.