Elijah’s question, “How long will you go limping between two different opinions?” is really speaking to my heart this morning. If I am going to be effective for God, I have to know what He is saying to me and not waver.
I have been praying and dreaming about living in New York for decades. When I first heard about International Project (www.internationalproject.org) it piqued my heart so I started asking God if that was something in my future. That was 4 years ago and in that time, I have gotten to know the folks there a little because I’ve sent loads of questions to them. Last Fall, God told me to apply to be a student in their cross-cultural training. I hesitated for just a moment because it was getting real all of the sudden! But, I was obedient and applied.
The next six months after I applied brought various rounds of interviews, writing about myself and background checks. At each new level I was sure I wouldn’t pass. Isn’t that the defense mechanism working it’s hardest? If I assume it won’t happen, that lessens the disappointment. That’s the enemy, not God, but I’m getting off track.
After all was said and done in the interview process, we were invited out to NYC for a site visit. Here was my first real crisis of faith… flying. I don’t like to fly and honestly, I almost bagged out of the process because of my fear. I didn’t have enough time to drive or take the train, flying was the only option. So I took that fear and flipped it to, “I can’t really afford this trip so I’m not sure we’ll be able to go”. I moved from having to confront my fear to an excuse that allowed the fear to be hidden. Thankfully, God nudged me deeper and instead of staying in that place, I prayed for Him to provide for all of our financial needs and my fear. He provided all that we needed so off we flew! The trip was beyond my wildest dreams and I walked away with a job offer!
It was at this point two of my closest friends said the same thing to me, “Can we stop talking about whether or not God is calling you to New York now? Clearly He is!” Even though everything pointed to that truth, and even though my heart and soul were firmly convinced, I still limped between two opinions: He is calling me/He is not calling me.
Now here I am, job offer extended that I wasn’t expecting, waiting for financial provision to come through, and that little tiny voice of “Maybe He’s not in this” is whispering again. I have already told everyone we’re going! The financing isn’t where I thought it should be! I’ve already accepted the job! What if I’m wrong? And then God walks in and speaks peace and confidence and I know, God is calling me to New York in this season and I just have to keep declaring that to myself and speaking out my faith. God gets all the glory, this will happen because of Him, not me.
Here is Elijah’s prayer, and my prayer: (1 Kings 18:36-37)
O, LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that you are God in Israel, and that I am your servant, and that I have done all these things at your word. Answer me, O LORD, answer me, that this people may know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you have turned their hearts back.
I don’t know what you may be on the fence about, but I would invite you to take time to really listen to God and then no matter how radical or ridiculous His call may seem, choose it and stick with it. Don’t limp between two thoughts and don’t hesitate to follow God. He’s got it all covered, just go with Him and see what He does.