Even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to you. Psalm 139:12
Have you ever woken up when the power has gone out? It’s so quiet and still it doesn’t seem real. The darkness is the darkest dark around and everything just feels creepy. You would think that it would be easier to sleep and yet, it seems harder because you’re straining to hear anything and everything. It feels so isolating and alone. I woke up that way this morning, only the power was on.
I usually charge at each new day with excitement and energy. I’m like a boxer flying into the center of the ring at the beginning of a fight, arms raging at the opponent with mountain-moving optimism. This morning wasn’t usual. Today I woke up like a boxer in the fifth round. I felt bloody, battered and beaten. Defeat was around the corner and things were dark.
We’ve had some challenges in the past couple months that I never saw coming and the enemy used them like a left hook to my jaw. Not enough of a punch to knock me out, but enough to let me know that I’m not strong enough to fight him. I had begun to actually believe his lie that there is no hope, the struggle is too great and I should just give up. If I had narrated my life it would have sounded something like this: no good job, no good decisions, no good health in my family…no good. The darkness wasn’t coming, it was here and I was allowing myself to be swallowed up.
Then God lit up the room. I sat in my chair crying and crying out. I needed to feel God’s presence and know that I wasn’t going down. I spent time journaling and praying seeking God’s peace. In the midst of that, God led me to Psalm 139:12 which reminds me that God is unable to distinguish the difference between light and dark because He always operates in the light. Do you get that? Darkness and light are exactly the same to God because He always sees everything! I’m never in darkness so dark that God can’t see me.
Here’s the challenge when you’re in a battle with the enemy…he gets you caught up in the feelings of the moment and you forget the truth. Yes, things are challenging right now. Yes, I have no idea what God’s going to do. Yes, I’m scared and feel alone. Yes, God is there. Yes, God sees me in my darkness. Yes, God is able and I am not. YES GOD!
I would love to say that my spirit lightened immediately and I felt this rush of peace but that’s not what happened. I cried a little more, prayed a lot more, reached out to people close to me for support and most of all, I changed my brain from focusing on the dark to focusing on the Light. God’s answers are on their way and I will see them. God will be glorified and His name made great as long as I keep my brain engaged and intentional about the truth of God’s Word. My feelings will ALWAYS have the potential to betray me and drag me into the darkness and God’s Word will always be stronger and break through.
If you’re in a dark space, take heart that God sees you and is lighting up your darkness. Turn to the truth when the feelings seem to be overwhelming. You are never alone, God is always there.
If you need a prayer partner, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.